This post is brought to you courtesy of the Florida Association of Pediatric Tumor Programs. Currently I'm sitting in my amazing hotel room, just taking it all in. Not only is my room truly beautiful (I can't wait to test out the shower), I'm really enjoying this conference. Granted it's only the first day, but I am learning a lot. I can't wait for tomorrow because it's more oncology than hematology. I've also ran into a girl I used to work with at Florida Hospital so that was exciting! But more importantly, I'm going through some big time personal growth.
I have never been one to really do things by myself. I hate going shopping alone. You'll never see me going to a movie solo. It's just not in my nature. The therapist the Hubs and I were seeing a while ago shed some light on why I'm like this (that's another discussion) but it's the way I am. So staying in a hotel room, by myself, for 2 nights is HUGE. I was starting to get a little anxious about it a few days ago. I was really wanting the Hubs to abandon his weekend plans and bring the kids up to be with me. But you know what. While I'm laying in bed alone, I've realized that I really needed this. I really needed a few days where I could focus on me. Emmy has been very emotional lately and has been wearing on me. I don't really know what's going on with her. I'm sure it's a phase but it's really starting to affect me. Most of the time she's asking for Momma and I'm the only one who can console her. As much as this warms my heart that my baby girl still wants her Momma, it's hard because I can't even go to the bathroom without her practically sitting on my lap. While I feel completely guilty for leaving her for 3 days when she's going through such an emotional phase, I know now how important it is for me to get some time to myself so I can be the best for her. And I can say that the past hour has been so peaceful. I'm not stressed about being alone. I'm relishing in the fact that there is no chaos. No one constantly calling my name. No fighting. No yelling. It's perfect. Now I can't say that I won't be saying how much I miss the chaos, the sound of my name being said over and over. I am looking forward to seeing my kids again and seeing the Hubs. But for now, I'm going to sit in my bed, all by myself, and watch Glee with no one bothering me!