Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The One with the Brutal Honesty

I don't do a lot of emotional posts on here.  Maybe because I don't like to feel vulnerable.  Maybe it's because I don't know who's really reading this.  Maybe because I don't like to discuss my emotions.  Ok that's the main reason but who's keeping track!?!  Yesterday showed me that it was time to really get some stuff off my chest. 

There's a reason I read the blogs I read.  I feel connected to the writers.  I feel like I'm friends with them, even if they have no idea who I am.  I feel like we have so much in common.  Reading yesterday's blog posts was like a therapy session for me.  Yesterday proved to me that I am not the only one feeling the things I feel. 

I have been way off track when it comes to running.  I really want to become a runner.  I hate everything about running yet I love it at the same time.  I seem to find excuses for not getting out there....my shoes are falling apart (which they are), it's too hot, it's too cold, it's raining, I don't have time, I can't wake up early enough, I don't have a treadmill.  I'm disappointed in myself that I would let these excuses get the best of me.  I thought being a working Mom of 2 kids under the age of 5 was excuse enough for the lack of running but then I look at some of my fellow bloggers, especially this one and this one, who somehow manage to get it all done. They inspire me to be better, to work harder, to get my fat ass off the couch!  I've been finding more and more blogs about people's running journey and it's all become a source of motivation, encouragement, and inspiration.  You're looking (well I guess you're actually reading) at a girl who is ready to take the plunge, ready to make the commitment.  I know it's going to be a bumpy road but I also know it will make me healthier, happier, and better off in the long run.

Now on to the harder topic.  Yesterday Megan at Mackey Madness wrote the most amazing post about marriage.  (If you don't know her, you should.  She's quite a doll) It was all about the truths of marriage and how much work it takes to make a marriage work.  This struck such a chord with me.  I've been married to the Hubs for almost 6 years.  It has been the hardest 6 years of my life.  The ups and downs we've had is almost too much to take.  There have been many times that I've thought it was too much for me to handle.  But yet, we stick it out.  I don't know if we're doing it for us or our kids.  But either way, we work through it. 
I've learned the hard way that it's not the fairy tale I grew up dreaming about. 
Marriage doesn't work like Disney movies. 
Marriage is downright hard work and you get out of it what you put into it.
It took me this long to realize that fact. 
Crazy, isn't it?
The bottom line is I married the Hubs for a reason.
I love him. 
I love him no matter how mad he makes me.  I love him because he challenges me.  I love him because he gave me 2 beautiful children.  I love him because he loves me more than anything in the world.
With all of that, wouldn't you think I'd be the happiest girl in the world with the best marriage in the world?  Yet I sit here, dealing with the stress of our situation.  I know I've been getting out what I have put in.  I'm guilty of not working as hard on our relationship as I should.  I'm guilty of not valuing the partner I have.  I'm guilty of being selfish.  I'm guilty of letting life control us instead of being in control of our life. 
All I know is not matter what, I can't imagine walking down this road with any other person. 
One of my favorite pictures of us (minus the beer bottle).  This is way back in 2004 when we first fell in love
My favorite "most recent" picture.....7 years later


  1. Thanks for the post, Jess! I read Megan's marriage post and totally agree with everything you BOTH said. Marriage is tough stuff - every. single. day!

    And thanks for the shout out. I'm glad I can be some motivation to you! You can do it!

  2. Thanks for the shout out! :) Marriage is SO. Freaking. Hard. But you know what? So is life. I figure everyone needs something that makes them a little selfish- you just need to find what it is that makes you feel good about yourself. I think me finding mine has helped my marriage and how I react to things that happen. :)