Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Where do we (I) go from here?

Man am I not motivated for anything.  I don't want to do the laundry, load the dishwasher, cook dinner, nothing.  This has been a running theme with me for a while now.  Actually I think it's all gone downhill since my hospitalization/surgery.  Or maybe even longer than that.  I'm just exhausted.

But exhaustion is no longer an excuse (I hear you chuckling since I've said that, oh, a million times already).  I'm mentally ready to get back on track.  These are the areas I'm ready to work on:
I had posted before how hard things have been for the Hubs and I.  After coming to a realization that I can't blame him for everything that's wrong with us, things have been getting so much better.  We've been spending more time together, even if it's just watching our new favorite TV shows (I have a few good ones but that's for another day).  I feel like things are less stressed between us and we're headed back to the land of actually enjoying each other.  But it's still a work in progress.
My new work schedule is definitely helping in this arena.  I just love being home with the fam on the weekends.  I'm getting to do so much more than when I had to work 2 weekends in a row.  However, this also means that our weekends are jam-packed with stuff to do, people to see.  While this is definitely strengthening us as a family, I really look forward to the weekends where we have nothing to do or when it's just the 4 of us, although I've realized how important it is to spend time with family.  My grandpa taught me that.
My kids are my world.  I just don't know where I'd be without them.  I truly know that I was put on this Earth to be their Mommy.  But there are so many days where I feel like I'm failing them.  Do they watch too much TV? Yes. Do they play outside enough? No. Do I let them get away with too much? Yes. Am I working with Emmy and her talking enough? No. Should I be more strict with them? Yes. Should I be forcing Noah to ride his bike? Probably.  Am I encouraging their creativity enough? No. I think this is a struggle that every parent (not just Mommies) deal with every day.  I really want to be better, not just because they need me to be but because I need me to be.  Last night we had such a great time making little owls.  It only took 10 minutes but my kids loved it (so did I) and now they are so proud of what they've created.  Why am I not doing this more often?
Sounds really weird to be on the list of things to work on but it is.  We are in a food rut in my house.  Same meals week in, week out.  Granted we're not the most adventurous eaters but it's getting boring.  I'm a pretty picky eater, always have been.  But as I'm getting older, I'm getting better.  Em's a great eater.  She'll eat almost anything.  Noah's hit or miss.  He's very finicky but with him, it's all about getting him to actually eat.  He has to eat on his terms, not ours.  I think we may have encouraged his independent, strong willed side a little too much.  The Hubs is a picky eater no matter what he says.  Our problem is everything he likes, I don't like.  Finding the happy middle is the issue.  My goal is to find new, exciting dishes, that are also healthy, to incorporate into our lives.
This is a HUGE area I need to work on.  I have to get back on track with exercise.  I have to get back on track with weight loss.  More importantly, I have to work on liking the Me that I am right now.  All too often I focus on all the things I want to change about me.  Very rarely do I focus on the things that I like about myself.  This is all about embracing who I am, not who I think I'm supposed to be.  This is also going to be really hard.  But this I have to do in order to succeed at improving any of the other areas in my life that I want to work on.

So here's to hard work, sweat, tears, love, cooking, and crazy looking owls we made together!!!
Noah made the 2 owls on the outside and Em made the owls in the middle with some help (well more help on the brown and yellow one obviously)

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