All By Myself

I'm slowly getting a glimpse into what life's like when you're home with no kids.  I'm not sure if I like it, ironically enough.  This is what I always imagined it to look like:

I'd get up, get the kids ready for school, drop them off and head home, after hanging out talking to the teachers (and my mom) and the other moms.  Then I'd stop at Starbucks for coffee and then return home where I'd lounge around all day, not a care in the world.  I'd catch up on my soaps and other DVR'd shows that the Hubs refuses to watch.  I'd occasionally do a chore or two.  I'd bask in the silence, a sound that never is hear in my house, ever.  I wouldn't have to watch a cartoon, kid show, or movie that I didn't want to watch.  It would just be lovely.

Tuesday was the day.  I got a few hours to myself after dropping the kiddos off (it was a 1200 dismissal).  I did a few errands for my mom, stopped at Starbucks (got my 30th star...Gold Card here I come!!!) and came home.  I got caught up on Days of Our Lives (yes I still watch soap operas).  I did some laundry.  I lounged on the couch, basking in the silence.  There were no cartoons, no fighting, during these few hours.  And you know what?  I hated it.  I did not love it as much as I imagined.  I felt lost not hearing someone call "Mommy" every 5 seconds.  I found myself clock watching, just waiting until the moment I could go pick them up from school.  I was emotional all day.  I felt like a part of me was missing.  It was at that very moment it finally dawned on me.  I'm a mother.  Plain and simple.  As much as I try to define myself as other things first, I'm a Mom.  My kids are my life.  My world revolves around them.  Yes, I've known this and have said these things over and over again, but for some reason, not having them around, even for a few hours, made my world turn upside down.  And you know what?  I'm okay with that.  I'm okay being that silly Mom who gets emotional over seeing their daughter's first school work or being sad when I leave the classroom and they are totally okay watching me walk away.  I'm okay being that mom.  I'm okay with it because it's just who I am.

So what's my solution to dealing with the lonely hours?  Switch my work schedule so that I'm working five hr days a week instead of four 10hr days.  That way I can avoid it all together!   Isn't avoidance the best solution for anything?!?!?  It's my favorite coping strategy.  Just ask the Hubs ;)

I can't wait until I get home from work so I can see these two lovies: