Welcome 2014

As the world welcomes in 2014, I can't help but look back on the past year and think it was a good one. Sure there were some rough spots and even some things that I would like to forget. But over all, I'm pleased with where 2013 has taken me. I've been able to make amazing memories with my family and friends. I've made career changes that I'm thankful I made. I was constantly reminded how brave and strong my patients are. I've also been reminded how fragile life is.

While I'm sure I made resolutions this time last year, we all know I haven't kept a single one.  So this year, I'm not going to make resolutions.  I'm not going to make promises I can't keep.  I'm not going to set myself up for a feeling of failure come this time next year.  Instead I'm going simply enjoy this next year.  Make memories with my family. Do everything to make myself a better wife, mother, and most importantly, a better version of myself.

I know what I'd like to accomplish.  I know where I'd like to see myself a year from now. And I know I can achieve all of these things.

Here's to an amazing 2014.  May it be filled with love, laughter, and memories!

2013 is going to be the Year of Jess

I just have this feeling.  The feeling that this year is going to be a great one for me.  I probably said this last year which is why I'm not going to do a recap of my 2012 goals.  I really don't feel like starting the year off depressed.  Instead I want to start the year off with a positive attitude.

I had a lot of wake up calls in 2012.  I realized that people are not invincible. I dealt with another loss of a grandparent.  I am so blessed that I spent 29 years with all 4 of my grandparents.  I know not many people can say that.   But losing both my grandpas, with one of my grandmas currently in the hospital, really started to make things register for me.  Life is precious and we can't take it for granted.  I really want to make 2013 the year of memories for my family.  Living in the now.  Taking advantage of everything that comes our way.  Show my kids what it means to live life.

My marriage was another wake up call last year.  Without going into too much detail, mainly because there really are some topics that need to stay off the blog, we almost called it quits.  That's a difficult thing to swallow.  No one expects to be on the brink of divorce when they get married.  I would have never thought things would come to this.  But we wanted to do everything we could to figure things out.  We found a great counselor and learned a lot about communication.  We're two stubborn kids who don't know when to just calm down and listen.  I'd love to say that everything was his fault (and I might to my friends) but I know I share just as much blame.  I want this year to be about rekindling that spark.  Getting back to that amazing place we once were together.

Obviously health and weight are huge areas I need to focus on.  I've had a few health issues this year and I really don't feel like repeating them this year.  I want to make 2013 a year of healthy choices and good decisions.  Not only because I need to be healthier myself but because of my kids.  I really want to be a good example for them.  If this means our grocery bill sees a few extra dollars each week, then so be it.  My kids are young and I want to instill good choices and good decision making in them now so when they get to be my age, they're not blogging about how they wish they'd done something differently the year before.

Weight will always be at the forefront for me.  I've struggled for years.  I've lost weight and gained it back (and repeated this cycle a few times).  I always say this time is the last time yet here I sit, ready to give it another try.  But not this year.  I had a very rude awakening to my own body issues and how it affects not only me but the people around me.  Case in point...we like to go to a local pizza place and there's a Yogurtland and an ice cream shop on either side.  I go for fro yo every time and most of the time, Em comes with me.  The boys go for the real stuff.  This last time we were getting ready to walk out of Yogurtland and I was helping Em get her jacket on.  We were in front of the store window so we could see our reflections.  As I was zipping up her jacket, Em looks in the window and says "Ugh I'm so fat Mommy."  Break my heart into a million pieces right there.  My sweet sweet girl, who is actually underweight for her age, is looking at her reflection and calling herself fat.  Now I'm sure she has no idea what that word really means but obviously she's heard it and learned to associate it with looking in the mirror from someone.  I have never felt like such a failure in my life.  So from here on out, it's not about focusing on numbers.  Yes, I'd love to see a number show up on the scale that's about 40-50 lbs lighter than it says today.  But I need to focus on loving me, loving the girl I am, and loving the body I have at this current moment.  Because if I don't figure this out, I'm going to have a little girl who will follow right in my footsteps, regardless if she's got a weight issue or not.  (if anyone has any advice on this front, please please please send it my way)

I think this year I'm going to take it one step at a time.  I'm not going to put unrealistic goals and expectations on myself.  I'm going to make this year about a healthier me, both physically and mentally.  It sounds kinda selfish that I plan on this year being all about me.  But I've learned the hard way the hard way that I cannot and will not be any good for anyone else if I don't take care of myself.  I can't be the mom that I want to be, the wife that I want to be, the friend that I want to be, the Jessica I want to be without putting some focus back on myself.

So here's to me.  May this year be the year that it finally clicks.  That I finally realize that taking care of me is just as important as taking care of my kids, the Hubs, or my patients. That I can look in the mirror and love the girl I see staring back at me.

Happy 2013!!!
  

Resolutions???

I'm a big loser.
I mean really....how many people do you know takes a chunk of their fingertip off with a vegetable peeler?!?  Talent, I know.
But that's just the beginning.
I'm a loser because I am not going to post New Years Resolutions. Nope.  You won't see any from me.

Until next week ;)

Of course I have resolutions that I will stick to probably not.  But our anniversary is on Saturday and I want to be able to enjoy the weekend, food, and fun without feeling guilty about it later.
Come January 9th, I'll be ready to share my goals and aspirations for the new year.  And I'm hoping that blogging about them (and updating my progress) will help keep me accountable.  I'm really excited for this year and what it has in store for me and my lil family.  I'm determined to make 2012 the year that I stick to my guns and see these resolutions through.
 

Here's to an amazing 2011

It's that time of year when everyone is making resolutions for the new year. Of course, I plan on making some resolutions (and hoping to stick to them) but they might not be the traditional resolutions I usually make. Here are some of my resolutions for the new year:

1. Get healthy. I've made strides in 2010 to do this by losing 25lbs. I still have about 20 more to go. I've taken a few months off of my weight loss program (and haven't really gained any weight) so now it's back on the wagon. I'm also making this a family resolution. John's current cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood pressure are all indications that we need a family initiative to get healthy. We have 2 amazing young children who deserve to have their parents healthy and living to an old age. One way is to run more. I committed to this last year and fell short. Completing my first half marathon was amazing. So amazing that I'm anticipating my next one at the end of February. Of course my training has slacked BIG time so its back to basics and back to training.

2. Be a better mother. I know in my heart that I'm a good mother to my children. But I know I can be better. This year we're not going to stay inside and play. We're going to enjoy our backyard and the environment. Since Noah's in PreK in the mornings, it leaves me the perfect time to spend with Emmy. We're going to start going to the library, to story time, do all the things that I wanted to do with Noah but didn't.

3. Be a better wife. John and I have a funny relationship. We're each other's biggest supporters but biggest opponents at the same time. We're both so freakin stubborn that it is ridiculous. This year, I want to focus on strengthening the relationship between us, not as parents, but as partners.

4. Be fiscally responsible. I just love that term. John and I can spend money, let me tell you. We waste an obscene amount of money on stupid things. We try to budget but never stick to it. This year, I want to make a conscious effort to rebuilding our savings, cutting down on our frivolous spending, and overall becoming more responsible with our money. I am blessed to have a great job that provides much more financially than what I grew up with. My parents struggled so much to provide my brothers and I with whatever we needed. I don't want my children to go through the same, especially when it can be prevented.

5. Strengthen our family's relationship with God. We've slacked big time when it comes to our faith. Going to church is not a priority anymore and that's just not ok. We still haven't baptized Emmy (which breaks my heart and I'm sure my mother's heart). I want my kids to grow up, standing firm in their beliefs, just as I did.

6. Enjoy life to the fullest. In my line of work, I meet the most amazing children and young men/women, all of which are left to battle for their lives. Working in the cancer world is emotionally draining, especially when you become attached to your patients. This year, we've lost the most amazing people to the ugliest of beasts. One patient in particular came into my life and left a lasting impression on me. Blake took everything that was dealt to him and faced it head on, without fear. He found strength in Christ and that was all he needed. When he relapsed a second time and there was nothing else we could do for him, he accepted that and truly lived his life. He did anything and everything. He made the most of the little time he had. I'm still having a hard time dealing with his death but he has inspired me to live my own life. To encourage my children to live their lives. To experience all that there is to experience. Life is something that I take for granted too often and it can all be taken away in an instant. I don't want to look back on my life and wish that I had done things differently. I guess I ultimately want to be more like Blake.

Here's to a new year. May 2o11 be the start of a brand new me, a brand new Crimella family, and a brand new outlook on life.

~JRC~