Life Lately

I feel like so much is going on in my life and I haven't really had time to figure it all out.  Once again, health problems have popped up in our household.  Between the constant (drastic) weather changes, school germs, and the overall crud that's floating around, both kids can't seem to shake the runny noses.  It's even got Noah's asthma acting up.  I had to rush to the pediatrician this week after I got home from work because he sounded like he had croup.  Thank goodness he's 6 because our doc told me that he'd be in the hospital for croup if he was younger.  But since he's older, his airway is bigger and stronger.  So instead, I get to listen to a barky cough and do albuterol every 4 hours.  I guess being a pediatric nurse is okay in this instance because I'm not overwhelmed by the constant nursing stuff I have to provide to my kiddo, instead of just Mommy lovin.  I guess I'm getting a small glimpse of what my parents went through with my brother and his asthma.  I just pray we don't ever have to go to the hospital like they did.

Em is still having issues with sleep.  She can be happy as a clam and the moment you mention sleep, she's a hysterical panic attack.  She fights sleep harder than I've ever seen.  She cries like you're abandoning her when you leave her room.  Something's definitely going on because she's never had such separation issues.  Maybe it's a phase but it's so bad.  She will be sound asleep and I go to leave and she'll wake up.  I just don't know what to do.  Bad Mom Alert but I even gave her Benadryl last night to see if that would help. And it didn't really. All it did was make her "feel funny."  The Hubs and I are truly at our wits end with this.  I'm having a hard time balancing being supportive during her obvious crisis and being patient.  I hate to truly punish her for the craziness because I know she's really afraid of something but the behavior is becoming a huge problem and is on the verge of becoming out of control.

And then there's me.  I had escaped the flu for an entire month and then it hit me last weekend.  And if that wasn't enough, I got another kidney stone on Tuesday.  While I'm attributing it to my kidneys being jealous of Amber's, it came out of nowhere.  I was trying to recover (and planning on finally going back to work on Wednesday) and around noon, I got the pain.  I didn't believe that I was having another one since I had just had one 3 months ago.  How could that be possible?  But lo and behold, the pain migrated down my back and took residence in my right lower flank. I labored at home for a few hours. {Yes I said labored.  It 100%, without a doubt, feels like labor pain.  I've pushed out 2 babies naturally so I consider myself an expert on labor pains.  This is like one sided labor pain.  So if you want to figure out if you can handle labor, stop hydrating yourself for a while and get yourself a kidney stone.}  So after 6 hours in the ER, I got to come home all doped up and spend another day at home.  I'm still not sure I've passed it yet but the pain is getting more and more tolerable (and this is almost 5 days later).  I'm trying to figure out why I could be getting kidney stones all of a sudden.  My PCP wants me to make some serious diet changes, which is good but challenging, and wants me to go back on my B12 injections.  I've done some research (aka Googling) and I think I have a possible diagnosis that would explain every single ailment that I've been experiencing over the past 1.5 years but I don't want to go into it until I talk to my doctor tomorrow.  If I'm right, it will mean serious changes in my life but I will do anything in order to finally feel better.

I have to thank the Hubs for everything he's done for me this week.  He let me get much needed sleep last weekend (I pretty much slept for 24 hours straight) and then being so supportive in the ER.  It drives him nuts that I avoid going to the doctor at all costs but I appreciate having a partner in life who wants nothing but the best for me. He also is ready to face a possible diagnosis head on and wants to be as supportive as he can.  I really did luck out in the partner/husband/best friend department with this one.  I love you!!!!

Get out of my belly!!!

First off, thanks to everyone who's checked in on me or have been saying prayers for me this past week.  Facebook and Twitter have been so loving!  I really do have amazing friends.  Thanks!!!

I started with some abdominal pain last Sunday (right upper quadrant pain for all my RN/MD buddies).  I couldn't keep anything down and I was pretty much miserable. Went to my PCP on Monday who said it could be a handful of things: Kidney stone vs duodenal ulcer vs obstructed bile duct.  We did some labs and she ordered a CT scan for the next day.  The pain was very similar to the pain that landed me in the hospital for 6 days last year.  Drank all of my contrast (against my will) and had my CT on Tuesday.

definitely did not taste like a banana smoothie

Still in pain but went back to work on Wednesday and Thursday.  By Thursday afternoon, my pain flipped from abdominal pain to right lower flank pain.  This and the fact that I had calcium oxalate crystals on my UA led me to believe this was definitely kidney stones.  Everyone at work thought so too.  I tried my hardest to stay out of the ER but I couldn't help it.  I truly felt like I was in labor again.  it was horrible.  My IV was started, labs drawn, CT repeated (we still had not received the results from the scan on Tuesday), fluids, Zofran, and Dilaudid given.  I was starting to feel a little better.

The man who put this in (on the 2nd attempt) meant business....most painful IV start EVER!!!!

The MD comes in and says I have a 2mm stone that looked like it was almost in my bladder.  That wicked horrible pain was me passing it.  She thought that I could go home and manage it myself since it was in the bladder.  Well let me tell you....this lil bugger doesn't want to come out.  Or if it has, it has friends still in my kidney.  I'm so uncomfortable.  I'm still having flank pain that takes my breath away.  My pain meds only work for about 30 minutes.  Then they just make me feel crappy. So I'm trying not to take them but I'm miserable in the process.  I've drank so much water in the past 72 hours is crazy!  I think I've consumed close to 10-12 liters of fluid by now.

Noah's been trying to understand what's happening to Momma and it's kinda funny.  He just can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that I have a rock inside me.  That's just too weird for him.  No matter how much I try to break it down for him, he's just not getting it.  Gotta love the mind of a child!

Anyone who has ever had kidney stones, I never understood how horrible they are until now.  This is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I really think we need to take a stand and try to support Kidney Stone Research (if there is such a thing) to get rid of these things forever!  Who's with me? 

When the nurse wears the hospital gown

I could win the crown for most obnoxious/paranoid mother in the world.  My pediatrician loves me because I pay him a lot of money but hates me because I am a pediatric nurse so I worry about everything.  But when it comes to me, I usually don't follow any medical advice I've ever received or read.  I am the worst patient ever.  Like today for example.  I've been having horrible heartburn/epigastric pain for a week or two now.  Do you think that motivates me to see my doctor and get my Protonix refilled?  Absolutely not.  Do you think it even gets me off my butt to get the Protonix that's in my medicine cabinet?  Definitely not.  I'm a glutton for punishment.  The Hubs gets so mad at me for this.  But I have to thank him for dragging me to the ER last year, practically kicking and screaming because I ended up admitted for 6 days, scanned/scoped almost from head to toe, with a trip to the OR mixed in.

This is a long one....sorry!

It was almost exactly a year ago, the last week of August to be exact, on a Monday.  I had been feeling kinda crappy.  I was having horrible stomach pains that were coming in waves. I couldn't keep anything down.  I just felt like garbage.  I had called out of work, even though I didn't want to and I felt bad doing so (I think someone had called out right before me).  I would call the Hubs pretty much crying because I hurt so much but that wasn't enough to make me go to the ER.  I finally called my doctor to see if I could come in.  I go to a doctor who I absolutely adore but they try their best to keep infectious stuff out of the office.  There's tons of old people that go there. So my doctor ended up calling me back to go over my symptoms.  It was either my gallbladder (my guess) or a wicked stomach virus which meant I had more fun to look forward to.  We decided that if the pain got worse or if I couldn't keep anything down after 4 hours of being NPO (nothing by mouth), that I'd have to head to the ER to get checked out.  So I managed about 30 minutes longer before the Hubs came home from work and brought me right to the ER.  We went to the local ER only because if I got admitted, I wanted my doctor to be my attending. {Side note.....I worked at this hospital when I was in nursing school.  I pretty much despise it and really try to avoid going there at all costs.  But I love my doc so I went there.  Plus she promised me that she'd consult the good surgeons for me if it turned out to be my gallbladder}  I get to the ER puking my brains out, with a mild temp, and a doctor who says it's definitely my gallbladder.  I get introduced to the lovely creation known as Dilaudid and we threw in a little Zofran for good measures.  But guess what???  My US shows that it's not my gallbladder.  So the doc admits me overnight to figure out where my pain is coming from.

Overnight turned into 5 more days. I was pretty much living on IV fluids, Dilaudid, and Zofran for that entire week. I had the lovely opportunity to drink a gallon of disgusting contrast for my CT scan.  I even bribed my nurse to let me stop.  I now understand why our patients put up such a fight to drink the contrast.  It's HORRIBLE.  My CT was normal.  I met my surgeon who is the most amazing surgeon in the world.  He was convinced it was my gallbladder but obviously had to rule everything out first.  I had a HIDA scan that showed my gallbladder wasn't functioning properly but it wasn't working poorly enough to take it out just yet.  I met a crazy GI doctor who wanted to see my entire insides from top to bottom.  I got to test out the effectiveness of Mag Citrate (it doesn't work for me) and the always pleasurable bowel prep for a colonoscopy.  All to come back just fine.  Well my EGD did show that I have GERD/gastritis but we already knew that. So on Thursday afternoon, my surgeon decided he would take me to the OR the next day to see if he could find anything.  But regardless of what he found, I was going to wake up without a gallbladder. So I woke up Friday, so excited at the potential of getting out of the hospital, just to sit and wait. All. Day. Long. Finally, and this is why my surgeon is the most amazing man ever, after eating dinner with his family and tucking his kids into bed, he came back to the hospital and took me to the OR.  At 9:45 at night.  It was unbelievable.  This man went above and beyond for me, because he knew that I'd been in the hospital for so long, accomplishing nothing, and would be there through the weekend if I didn't have surgery on that day.  So into the OR I went and I got discharged by 10am the next morning.  Without my gallbladder.  Which we later learned actually had multiple stones in it.  I guess they were invisible stones since they didn't show up on ANY scan I had.  Oh well.  It was out.  I was discharged.  And I was happy.

During my hospital stay I went through 5 IVs.  I turned into a crazed druggie when I was in pain and my nurse wouldn't give me pain meds because my blood pressure was too low.  {In retrospect, 80s/50s wasn't the best time to give someone Dilaudid but in that moment, I did threaten to make her night a living hell if she didn't give it to me.  Ironically enough I didn't see her the rest of the night after that Dilaudid dose}  I discovered I am allergic to Cipro, even if my nurse thought my IV was just blowing {hello you don't break out in hives and start itching when your IV blows.  It's an allergic reaction, friend.} I can testify that Versed really does make you not remember a damn thing, no matter how hard you try to remember. I also learned a valuable lesson that sending work emails while on Dilaudid is not the best idea. {yes I really did that} I hung over the bucket, dry heaving my brains out, every time I got Dilaudid and for about 15 minutes after but endured it because Dilaudid was the only thing that made me feel better.  I was the perfect patient to have in the nurse's assignment because I was NPO, could take care of myself, only called out for pain meds and zofran, only had IV fluids running and only 1 medication (at night).  I was the dream patient to have.

Being on the other side of the bed was definitely eye opening.  I had amazing nurses who took time out of their day just to talk to me.  It meant the world to me because I was alone most of the time and separated from my kids and my husband.  I looked forward to my nightly visits from my family but it was so painful to see them leave.  I had amazing friends who would visit or call/text/email to check on me.  But it was this week that I spent in the hospital that made me realize the impact that I might have on my patients.  If they could make me feel this much better while I was in the hospital, for something as little as a gallbladder flare, then maybe I do that for our families who are dealing with a more horrible diagnosis.  I wrote about this more eloquently here, right before I was discharged.  It truly touches on the up/down side to being the one stuck in the bed and having a complete understanding of why things are playing out like they did.  The Hubs was so frustrated through the entire experience, as was I, but I was the one who got it.  I knew why they couldn't just go digging in my stomach without ruling everything out first.  You should definitely read that post.
And if you want to read any of the crazy I wrote while on pain meds (it's actually not as bad as I say but I did update every day while doped up) read it here, here, and here.

What a week....

Things have been so crazy for me right now.  Monday we got a call saying my grandmother, who had been in the hospital, was being transferred to ICU and was put on a ventilator.  So we all rushed up there (my grandparents live 2 hours away) to learn that they had to do CPR to bring her back and that her lungs filled up with fluid.  Being in a situation like that is so hard for me because it's instinct to jump right into nursing mode the minute I walk on to an inpatient unit rather than being a scared, nervous family member.  Maybe it's a coping strategy.  I don't really know.  But needless to say, it's been a rough week.  I am excited to say that she was extubated on Tuesday and doing pretty good.  She still has some fluid in her lungs but her heart seems to be hanging in there.

So if you don't mind, can you keep my grandma and my family in your prayers, especially as Christmas draws near?  It would really mean the world to me.



This Christmas season I have really experienced how amazing the Blogging Community is.  Whether it be through Christmas card exchanges, ornament swaps, or just amazing sweet comments, I really feel a part of this crazy world of blogging.  I received the best Christmas cards from my amazing card swap girlies (and I hope they feel the same way!!!).

I also got paired with a pretty awesome chica named Ashley for our Ornament Swap.  She is super cute and just ran a half marathon (I still say you should come to St Pete and run with me!!!)

How cute is she???  And check out that scenery...jealous!!!

She sent me the best ornaments.  Much like me, she couldn't decide on just 1.  I got 3!!!  (I sent her 3 ornaments too!)  They will be a great addition to my ornament collection and I'm so excited to always have something to remind me of Ashley for years to come.

Can you see me?!?!

I love the colors, the sparkle factor, all of it!!!  Thank you so much Ashley for sending me amazing ornaments!!!  I absolutely adore them!!!

Now that I'm looking at only 3ish hours of sleep before getting up for work (and after making 17 containers of Peppermint Sugar Scrub), it's time to hit the sack.
Happy Friday everyone!!!!

Home and Loving it!!!!

First things first....thanks for all the well wishes.  I am excited to share that I am finally at home and gallbladder free!!!  After waiting all day on Friday (I mean literally all day), I was whisked away to the OR at 9:45pm to have my surgery.  My surgeon was nice enough to come back to the hospital, after having dinner with his family and tucking his kids into bed, to do my surgery so I could finally go home.  He went in to do some exploration to see if anything besides the gallbladder could be the culprit of my pain but all he found was my gallbladder.  I guess a layer of stomach fat had adhered to my gallbladder.  He told the Hubs that this sometimes happens after pregnancies (plus I'm fat too so I guess I was at double risk).  So regardless of my perfectly functioning gallbladder, the layer of fat was irritating it.  So he was nice enough to take it out.  I was discharged on Saturday morning and have been home since.  Today I feel more like a human.  I took a shower and can function a little better.  Sitting straight up in the chair while I type this is a little uncomfortable but I figure a little discomfort is worth it to thank all of you for your prayers!!!  This was quite the experience and my entire family is trying to get back into the swing of things (and I'm trying to get back into the swing of eating. After not eating for a week, it's kinda rough starting to eat again).

Here are the pics I've been trying to upload all week:

Some of my Get Well Goodies (a monkey balloon is missing because Noah took it home one night)

The kiddos having dinner at Mommy's home away from home.  Notice how comfy Emmy made herself

Me, looking like a hot mess, smiling because I've just had pain meds!!!

I will spare you all from seeing my actual stomach.  It's quite the sight.  But if anyone has a good technique to get all the betadine off, I'd love to hear it.  You'd think being a nurse I'd have a good solution but I've always told my patients that it just wears off (which it does) but that answer isn't flying with me since it's my belly that's yellow. 

Another exciting thing yesterday....my friend Jen had her baby!!!  Colton Alexander was born at 5:14pm and is absolutely adorable!!!  I cannot wait to meet him.  I find myself just staring at his cute little face!  I cried when she sent me his picture.  I am so proud of Jen and so happy for her to finally experience motherhood.  She is going to be the best Momma!!!

And to top off the most exciting day ever....my USF Bulls beat Notre Dame!!!  I have never been so proud to be a Bull.  The game wasn't the greatest but they capitalized on ND mistakes, BJ Daniels looked pretty good with his passing game, and they stuck it out through 2 weather delays to hang on and knock off the #16 team in the nation.  You know I was cheering as much as I could!  I even threw on my USF dress over my sweatpants just to be festive for the game! 

Me and the bestie in our USF gear for a game last year

S-O-U-T-H-F-L-O-R-I-D-A
SOUTH FLORIDA
SOUTH FLORIDA
GOOOOOO BULLS!!!!!!

I'm still here

Just wanted to pop in and say hey!  I'm still in the hospital but there's finally a light at the end of the tunnel.  After having so many tests and procedures (even a colonoscopy at the ripe old age of 29) I'm finally getting my gallbladder taken out tomorrow!!!  I don't know what time but all I know, my pain and nausea is finally going to be coming to an end.  This has been quite the experience, let me tell you.

Being stuck here for 5 days, away from my family, kids, and friends, has been pretty rough.  I'm hanging in there as best as I can.  I miss my kids so badly.  I look forward to 6:30 every night because I know I'll be getting my daily visit.  Just seeing them instantly takes my pain away.  Saying goodbye to them is so much harder on me than it is for them.  Thats been a hard thing to deal with.  Not seeing the Hubs is hard too, although its harder on him right now.  Poor guy can't sleep while I'm here.  I'm not sleeping either but at least I have drugs that help me fall asleep.  I miss just hanging out with him, even if he does drive me totally INSANE whenever I'm sick or in the hospital. I love you baby!

It's also been frustrating to understand why everything has played out the way it is.  We've all known all along that my pain has been from my gallbladder however, my gallbladder has decided to make things difficult.  All my testing have been completely negative.  So by exam and clinical presentation, I need it out.  But my imaging, there's no reason why it has to come out.  That is why I'm still here.  I've had every GI test I could have to rule every other reason out for my pain.  I don't have ulcers.  I don't have ulcerative colitis, crohns, diverticulitis, etc.  So thankfully, I have a great surgeon who is finally ready to take it out.  But that's not why its frustrating.  Its frustrating to completely understand the thought process behind this ordeal.  I get that a surgeon cannot go and cut open a patient without concrete evidence of a cause.  I totally understand that.  There's a lot of things I do in my nursing career that's based on a gut feeling but none of those things involve cutting a patient open and removing an organ.  This is the time that I wish I didn't have a medical background.  I wish I could just be mad and frustrated that I've been in here for almost 5 days, having test after test, just watching the bill increase and increase.  But I can't.  Yes I can be frustrated (and I am) but I get it.

More importantly, I have learned so much about myself as a nurse from being in the hospital.  I've been in the hospital before since becoming a nurse but never for this long.  I have been fortunate enough to have had amazing nurses (minus one) while being here. Without their excitement, personality, and genuine interest in my care, I would be a horrible mess.  These girls (and guy) take time out to really talk to me and see how I'm doing.  I have had the best nurse the past 2 nights.  She's pretty much a younger version of me.  Loud, outgoing, fun.  I just love her!  She even got in trouble last night because we were talking to loud.  We were just having a great time talking about random things (we've worked at the same hospitals, she applied to 7S a few months ago...didn't get the job, which was a HORRIBLE decision.  She would have been such an asset to 7S).  It's just been fun.  The fact that they are taking time out of their busy shifts to make sure I feel at home and comfortable has meant the world to me.  It's also made me realize how much of an impact I might have in my patient/family's experience.  Taking the extra time to pop in to see them, to spend the time getting to know them, and just giving them the opportunity to talk to someone, really does make a hospital experience a little easier.  It makes me feel good that the way I'm feeling right now as a patient is the way I could be making my patients feel.  Never in a million years did I think I'd get this much personal growth/discovery from this situation. 

Thank you to all the amazing people at Largo Medical Center.  Thanks for putting up with my crazy.  Thanks for dealing with all my visitors.  Thanks for making it feel a little less stressful for me. 

I took a pic on my phone that I was going to post here of me in my hospital bed but my email app doesn't want to work since my email got hacked 2 weeks ago.  So lucky for you guys, you don't have to see my hot mess self!!!

Wish me luck tomorrow!  I can't wait to be organ-less!!!

So here's a more accurate update

I'm just realizing that I wrote a post about being in the hospital.  I've learned a few times today that I shouldn't work on the computer right after getting pain meds.  Not the best situation.  So here's whats really going on.  On Sunday afternoon I started vomitting and having horrible stomach cramping.  This continued to yesterday with the pain getting horribly worse.  My MD told me I should go to the ER if the pain got too horrible. The Hubs decided to take me anyways.  So I showed up to the ER, got right in, and was hooked up to an IV in a matter of minutes. Both my MD and the ER doc thought it was my gallbladder.  My gallbladder ultrasound showed a perfectly normal gallbladder so my doctor was a little confused.  He admitted me for observation, pain management and antibiotics for an incidental UTI.  They also ordered a CT scan and a surgical consult.  The surgeon met us up in the room and based on his exam, he felt it was gallbladder but needed imaging to back it up.  So off to CT I went (after drinking horrible contrast) and then I had a HIDA scan this morning.  That scan tests the gallbladder specifically.  My results weren't good but not bad enough to take my gallbladder out.  So he wanted to consult GI to see if they wanted to rule anything out before surgery.  So what does GI decide????  EGD (upper GI scope) tomorrow and possibly a colonoscopy on Thursday....I'm never leaving the hospital and never getting my gallbladder out :(

So I'm ready to wind down for the night, get some meds, and get ready for my day tomorrow. 

Thanks Nicole and Whitney for visiting me today and showing me my escape route!!!
 

Coming to you, live from my hospital bed

Yes, you read that right.  I'm hanging out in my hospital bed.  I got admitted yesterday because I was having severe abdominal pain and vomitting.  We're leaning towards my gallbladder being the culprit but we're not 100%.  I'm hoping that by this afternoon, I'll be gallbladder-less. 

So in the meantime, can you send a few prayers my way, not only for me but for all the doctors working on my case?  They are all working hard to figure out what is going on and how to make me comfortable.  I greatly appreciate it!  Also can you say a few prayers for my kiddos who really don't understand why Mommy can't come home and why Mommy has tubes hooked up to her arm?

Brought to you by the makers of Dilaudid....the pain medication keeping me sane yet making me loopy all at the same time!