Being stuck here for 5 days, away from my family, kids, and friends, has been pretty rough. I'm hanging in there as best as I can. I miss my kids so badly. I look forward to 6:30 every night because I know I'll be getting my daily visit. Just seeing them instantly takes my pain away. Saying goodbye to them is so much harder on me than it is for them. Thats been a hard thing to deal with. Not seeing the Hubs is hard too, although its harder on him right now. Poor guy can't sleep while I'm here. I'm not sleeping either but at least I have drugs that help me fall asleep. I miss just hanging out with him, even if he does drive me totally INSANE whenever I'm sick or in the hospital. I love you baby!
It's also been frustrating to understand why everything has played out the way it is. We've all known all along that my pain has been from my gallbladder however, my gallbladder has decided to make things difficult. All my testing have been completely negative. So by exam and clinical presentation, I need it out. But my imaging, there's no reason why it has to come out. That is why I'm still here. I've had every GI test I could have to rule every other reason out for my pain. I don't have ulcers. I don't have ulcerative colitis, crohns, diverticulitis, etc. So thankfully, I have a great surgeon who is finally ready to take it out. But that's not why its frustrating. Its frustrating to completely understand the thought process behind this ordeal. I get that a surgeon cannot go and cut open a patient without concrete evidence of a cause. I totally understand that. There's a lot of things I do in my nursing career that's based on a gut feeling but none of those things involve cutting a patient open and removing an organ. This is the time that I wish I didn't have a medical background. I wish I could just be mad and frustrated that I've been in here for almost 5 days, having test after test, just watching the bill increase and increase. But I can't. Yes I can be frustrated (and I am) but I get it.
More importantly, I have learned so much about myself as a nurse from being in the hospital. I've been in the hospital before since becoming a nurse but never for this long. I have been fortunate enough to have had amazing nurses (minus one) while being here. Without their excitement, personality, and genuine interest in my care, I would be a horrible mess. These girls (and guy) take time out to really talk to me and see how I'm doing. I have had the best nurse the past 2 nights. She's pretty much a younger version of me. Loud, outgoing, fun. I just love her! She even got in trouble last night because we were talking to loud. We were just having a great time talking about random things (we've worked at the same hospitals, she applied to 7S a few months ago...didn't get the job, which was a HORRIBLE decision. She would have been such an asset to 7S). It's just been fun. The fact that they are taking time out of their busy shifts to make sure I feel at home and comfortable has meant the world to me. It's also made me realize how much of an impact I might have in my patient/family's experience. Taking the extra time to pop in to see them, to spend the time getting to know them, and just giving them the opportunity to talk to someone, really does make a hospital experience a little easier. It makes me feel good that the way I'm feeling right now as a patient is the way I could be making my patients feel. Never in a million years did I think I'd get this much personal growth/discovery from this situation.
Thank you to all the amazing people at Largo Medical Center. Thanks for putting up with my crazy. Thanks for dealing with all my visitors. Thanks for making it feel a little less stressful for me.
I took a pic on my phone that I was going to post here of me in my hospital bed but my email app doesn't want to work since my email got hacked 2 weeks ago. So lucky for you guys, you don't have to see my hot mess self!!!
Wish me luck tomorrow! I can't wait to be organ-less!!!
So glad you finally have a plan of action and your nurses have been so great! We learned really quickly when Toni was in the hospital how much of a difference a good, friendly, helpful, caring, upbeat nurse makes vs. a negative, standoffish or rude nurse. Good nurses really make the whole experience so much better (as much as it can be, anyway!). I'm sure you're an awesome nurse! :)
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling 100% very soon!