Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A case of the "What Ifs"

I don't like regret.  I believe everything happens for a reason, regardless if we ever truly understand the reason.  But sometimes I find myself wondering what my life would be like if I'd made different decisions.
{ no means am I writing this because I hate where my life is right now.  I have the most amazing family.  I get to spend every day with my best friend.  I have a career that I'm not only proud of but one that I truly love. And I'm surrounded by the best friends a girl could ask for. So don't think I'm jumping off the deep end, OK? Thanks}

What if I would have gone to school in North Carolina like I'd planned?  Would I have ended up being the Pediatrician I always dreamed of being?

What if I never left USF?  Would friendships that are broken today still be in one piece?

What if I never met the Hubs?  Would I still be in the dead end relationship that I was in, the one that was doing nothing but bringing me down?  Would I have always been looking for the right relationship for me?

What if we never had children?  Would we be traveling the world?  Would be feel fulfilled? Would we do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted?

What if Emmy was really born at 29 weeks?  Would our life revolve around doctors and therapy appointments?  How would Noah handle it all?

What if the Hubs and I really gave up on each other when things got really tough?

I find my mind wandering towards these questions when things get really rough for me.  But instead of dwelling on all the "what ifs" I think of all the amazing blessings in my life because none of these situations came to fruition:

I ended up at USF and had the time of my life.  I made amazing friends, had the best job anyone could ask for, and found my place in Chi Omega.  True I gave up on my dreams of being Jessica Trowbridge, MD (that's my maiden name) but I found my calling in nursing.  I had to leave USF in order to follow that calling.

In leaving USF, I had friendships tested and I learned so much about myself.  I took a chance on a cowboy I met in a bar and found the love of my life. I said goodbye to a person that was only dragging me down.  I had the wedding of my dreams and we started our family with a perfect little boy.

Our prayers were answered and we were blessed with a perfectly healthy baby girl after 9 weeks of tears, worry, fear, prayers, and emotions. Every horrible scenario we had prepared ourselves were just that, scenarios.  I survived the hardest and darkest time of my life.

The Hubs and I pushed our pride and stubbornness aside and worked our asses off to get back to a good place.  I realized that nothing is easy and we have to fight for what we believe in.  Fight for what is important.  And it's a fight I'd fight over and over again.

I'm constantly reminded how blessed my life is.  It might not look like the life I always dreamed of or planned out in my diary but it's the life I've created, the life that's right for me.  I don't regret a single moment, a single decision (good or bad) because it all led me to where I'm standing today. I'm standing here proud of what I've accomplished, proud of the life I've created, proud of it all.

My favorite quote from RENT sums it all up....
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today


  1. I love this! God's plans for us FAR exceed our own!

  2. Great post! There is always a bigger plan at work! I LOVE that quote from RENT! Huge rent fan!

  3. It is so crazy to think about how one decisions made differently could totally change your life, and I definitely take that as a sign that God is at work because we always end up right where we're supposed to be. Great post!